When giving the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, I was a little optimistic because it meant I'd get answers, treatments, and start feeling better. Well, I was WRONG on so many levels. Instead of bringing answers to me, it brought more questions. Numbness can be defined as abnormal sensation, therefore itching may be a symptom OR a side effect. As far as treatments, it is mainly used to treat symptoms which can be incredibly hard. I feel like I am ALWAYS taking medicine for this or that.
Better news, today Bridget and I went to our first meeting to help with the MS Walk 2012. This year the New Orleans walk will be held on March 24. So far we have come up with several ideas and ways to make the walk more enjoyable for everyone! We are looking into having games and competitions. Of course, if you want to win ya'll join our team, Tutu Cute!!! We will definitely win several awards. The website should be up later this week or next week so we can start registering.
Today has been a super long day and exhausting day. I am still not sleeping well at night, and horrible nights usually lead to even worse days! I fight all day to stay awake and still don't sleep at night. Anyway, today I went to Baton Rouge to have lunch/shop with my friend. Then, I came back to NOLA took a rest and finally went to the MS walk meeting. To many people my exhausting day is a walk in the park. But, for me it takes more energy and when I don't sleep good all of this just intensifies. Now I am at least able/willing to leave the house. There was a time earlier this year when it took all my energy to get out of bed and get out the house.
I wish people around me could understand what a typical/normal day is for me. I never would wish this disease on anyone! But, I feel like people who are uneducated are less likely to understand or even try to understand. When I wake up, I never know what the day will bring. When my hand, foot, arm, or leg is numb I never know if it's temporary or if it will stay for a week or more. While I always keep it in the back of my mind, I can't let myself become absorbed in the MS possibilities. On a daily basis I struggle with memory problems, shaky hands (which can make the easiest task much more complicated), balance problems, and muscle spasms.
Tomorrow will be another fairly busy day, well a busy day for me. I finally signed up to be a substitute. I have to go meet with the man from human resources. I am glad I have put my name in, but I'm definitely scared about subbing. The main benefit is that I can pick and choose what days I want to work. I'll be able to slowly work my way up and continue to get more subbing jobs. My main fear right now with getting a job is that I was miserable for so long with back pain and this summer it's FINALLY gotten better, the light at the end of the tunnel is becoming more obtainable. I worry that once I get back into a job and working 5 days a week teaching and spending majority of the day on my feet.
Prior to being diagnosed with MS I was a practicing Catholic, but didn't fully accept everything into my life. Immediately after being diagnosed I felt betrayed by God and lost some of my faith. In the past few months, I realized that God didn't cause me to get multiple sclerosis, but he's there to help me. I have had days where everything was going on and I was ready to give up. Whenever I feel like I can't fight anymore God gives me more strength and courage to continue. I now know that God is here helping me and not trying to cause pain/suffering. Now that I have found God I feel more at peace and I now that when I am ready to give up and have lost all hope, God is there to give me the strength to continue.
1 comments:
I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you for fighting through and not giving up! Having had a small taste of what you're enduring, I. Know how fragile that hope can sometimes be! You are so strong and inspiring!
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