That being said, lately I think my prayers are getting lost in translation, plus I need to make a conscious effort to be careful what I say. Every time my right arm has given me problems since my last relapse (December) I've said I wish it was my left arm. Well, this morning I woke up and my left arm is completely numb and I'm unable to move it. This is exactly how it started with my right arm in December, now I am praying that it goes away on its own and I don't have to take steroids.
Unfortunately my right foot is also numb and swollen. Sunday morning I woke up and tried to get out of bed and realized my right leg was numb. I was unable to walk unassisted, which has never happened to me before. I've had numbness in my right leg before, but never like this. The numbness in my right leg is numb where I can't feel it at all, which thus makes walking very hard. Sunday even when I had crutches to help give me support, I accidentally twisted my ankle when walking. Luckily besides the pain right away it didn't cause any other issues, but I had to be super careful when walking from one place to another.
This is how I feel today!
Until being diagnosed with MS I never knew there could be so many definitions of the word numb. Before MS I defined numb as the tingling, pins and needles feeling when my foot or hand fell asleep and was starting to wake up. Now, after living with MS for over 4 years numbness means so many things. Of course, I still use it to mean that pins and needles feeling when the blood flow starts coming back to my hands/feet. It also means not being able to feel anything at all, like my right foot. Also, I have numbness where you can't really feel what's going on from the inside, but when I touch the area from the outside then I feel the tingling feeling. For example, my left arm is numb and I don't feel anything until I touch it with my right hand. When my right hand touches my left arm I get a tingling sensation, which I consider a type of numbness.
Since being diagnosed with MS a lot has changed, not just my vocabulary but also my passions. Finding out that I had MS was very difficult in the beginning, but now that I've come to terms with this disease I've also become passionate about MS awareness. It started off with joining the MS Walk committee and raising money for MS. Then, last fall I started my mission with our speciality license plate for MS which passed!!! (It is in the process of being designed then it'll be sent to marketing and then out to the public. No worries, I'll definitely announce that!)
Through everything, I still have hope. In my darkest hours, the hope was still there. I think my work with MS and the MS Society has helped me too, it has given me hope too. Sometimes I wonder if God gave me MS because He knows I'm fierce and fight for things I want. It started when I was little, I'd convince my dad I needed things (like Snuggles, my beetle, my pool, a bigger bed, etc). I know the things I convinced my dad I needed were materialistic, but it helped prepare me for this journey. I'm now fighting for MS awareness and legislation that will help others with MS not just me.
