Cautiously Optimistic

The past few years have been extremely hard and trying with the diagnosis of MS and finding ways to treat my pain. Monday I went to my pain doctor to discuss more treatment options. For the first time in over three years I am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am very optimistic right now that things will soon get better, but I know it won't happen over night. I know it won't be easy getting to the light, but I feel that right now I have a little bit of strength that can help me get through this. For me just feeling that I am close to handling the pain and moving on with my life is HUGE! It's something that I haven't felt in awhile because I never had a good treatment plan that I felt I could work with. 


It is also the first time in awhile that I'm starting to think about my future again. Since I graduated I lived day to day and week to week, I never planned anything too far in advance. With the pain and other symptoms of MS it's hard to plan anything too far in advance because I can feel great one day and the next day I'm miserable. Living this way has definitely taken a toll on me and some friendships. I can't make plans too far in advance to hang out and sometimes I have to decline going out because I know my limits. That is probably one of the hardest parts of having MS, I can't always go out and have fun like other people my age. Plus, sometimes I think some of my friends don't realize how bad it is and think I'm just blowing them off. At the end of the day, there's NOTHING I'd rather do more than live a carefree and fun life that most people enjoy in their 20s. It has gotten to the point where one night of fun and going out equals two-three days of feeling miserable afterward. I still go out and try to stay connected with my friends, it just isn't as much as I'd like. 


Another issue that has been put on hold because of my pain is a job. I look back and wonder how I even got through my student teaching because after I graduated I basically crashed. Last year at this time I was always sleeping and had a hard time doing anything. But, that was partly due to a medication I was taking that I have sense stopped, so I am not as fatigued. When I think back to student teaching and being in the classroom I do remember how intense the pain was and how exhausted I was. Those memories give me a little anxiety about getting back into the classroom, but it's the next step I need to take. Last week I attended teacher interview day with St. Charles Parish, but at that time they weren't sure who they would need to hire and what grades. There are several rumors going around that there will be teachers leaving and retiring, but I just have to keep my fingers crossed that I get an interview. Even though I am trying to get a job, I am not going to stress over it. Over the last few years, through the good and bad, I've learned things really do happen for a reason. I know when it's time the right job will come along, even though I think now is the right time I also don't know what God has in store for me in the future. Plus, I know I have lots of family members watching over me.


Lately I've also been considering going back to school to get my masters. I've decided that if I don't get a job this year I will apply for grad school and at least be working on something. The main problem with grad school is that right now I'm not 100% on what I would go to grad school for. I looked into it last year some, but I wasn't ready to get back to the classroom yet with the pain and other issues. Stress is one thing that can cause more intense MS symptoms, so right now I'm just trying to lead as stress free of a life as possible. 


I know it's been awhile since I blogged, I should get better about that! Anyway, this year the MS Walk was very successful. Our team had about 30 members and we raised over $5,500 which I was thrilled about. I am truly grateful for all my friends and family that have supported me through everything, both with donations and just being there. It's almost been two years since I was diagnosed and there is no way I would be who I am today and where I am today if I didn't have support from friends and family. I know this is cliche but I also know who my true friends are because they are the ones who are always there. Next year I hope we're able to raise even more money for MS. We are already starting to plan our golf tournament for this year and Bridget and I are trying to host a drinking/painting class over the summer. If you would like to come to one of our events, help us, or have any other ideas I'd love to hear about it! 


That's pretty much it until June. In June and July I'll have my next round of doctors appointments. Somehow I go see most of my doctors then. The last round of appointments went fairly well, so I'm hoping there isn't much difference this summer. Plus, I will be getting another dose of Botox to help with the pain. When we went Monday he said that during my next visit we would increase the Botox by 30%. Last time I got Botox it helped some, but it wasn't the perfect solution. Hopefully this new dose will be more effective. It's just frustrating because I can only get Botox every three months and when doing Botox in the back/spine it needs to be done carefully because too much Botox can cause the muscles to become so weak. If the muscles are too weak then I won't be able to stand/walk until it wears off.